i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's blow job season.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
