my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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