Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
