i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
