i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
