i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
