just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
