Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
