This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
