Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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