I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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