this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
