and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
