I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
