but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
