it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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