I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
