Whod you bang
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I understand Curling. That high.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
