I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
