just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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