she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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