Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
