Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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