I must be too annoying 4 u.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
