worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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