sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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