Plan B is the new Plan A
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
