Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
