As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
