Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have post one night stand depression
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