Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
