so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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