Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
