remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
