i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
