Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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