Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
