dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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