so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
