I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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