Non-Jews are for practice
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
