I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
