It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
