No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
