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the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
