I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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