please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
