drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
