he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
