I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i dont even know how to be here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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