Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
