Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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