to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
