If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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