I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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