Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
