those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
